in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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