I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize