Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
