Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
