My hand turned me down
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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