OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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