Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Buhtt sex?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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