Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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