I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
