I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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