I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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