I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
