when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
