thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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