there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
