I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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