finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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