Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
