"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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