i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
