We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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