I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
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Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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