he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Pants are for mortals
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
