First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
