i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
