ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's no shave November. This is our time.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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