hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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