Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize