Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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