and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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