i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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