Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
