I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
