I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
