i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
