i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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