I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Boobs speak an international language.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
