at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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