When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
