yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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