hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
