it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
