dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
