U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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