Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
