omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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