everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
And then my night got REAL pukey
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
