He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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