You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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