i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
