someone get that fucking seahorse.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
