yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
