And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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