My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
