just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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