I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
