it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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