You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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