I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I puked a lego.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
These tits shall not be calmed
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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