Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
