There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
