I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I wish i was in the wii world.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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