I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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