If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
