May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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