last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
