Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I didn't notice because vodka
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
