my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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