Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
