I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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